Monday, February 13, 2012

A brief apology

this apology is just something I've been planning to do for long
I never wrote anything for almost an year, had so many experiences in life..never felt to write..
may be the relief I was getting from jotting down lines was not there till now
till today
or I was not so disturbed that it never let me go until I write about it
whatever the case is I've written something and I'm better
someday my brain will cease its all function, I know my thoughts don't survive my death but I really wish, that there was one thought, one idea formed and processed into it's finest form in my brain live through generations yet to come...
hope such an even happen in the near future!
have to keep my head up and running..
so this is the endnote to my apology
I'm so sorry for being lazy, for being away...
I'm here and I'll be here and I'll be writing

Disturbed


I wanna say something!
wanna scream out to the wind
its boiling inside
makes my sick
twisting my mind
still can't let it out
feels like I have walls inside me
want to get rid of all these bitterness
yet it keeps coming back
stronger and stronger
tides are growing high
winds are forming strong
my raft is still lost

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Going on

Life just goes on..now I am waiting for the scholarship results. A lot have already happened in life. A pot is yet to happen...
Waiting for everything
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Sunday, December 19, 2010

the story of the paper seller or what I thought it was!

I saw this man twice on the road, on front of trinity centre and in front of my work place. He was middle aged, was wearing a fluorescent orange jacket and a cap. In one hand he had a stack of news paper and on the other he held out a fresh copy.
The one thing I caught from him was his behaviour despite the fact he was having one of the coldest day in aberdeen, he was so calm, so polite, it was so hard walking past him without buying the news.
His face is something I always remember with amuse.
I never seen him after that day
So I uses to thinking
About his family, like he is having 2 daughters..they welcome him when he reaches home after work, the last image in my mind was always the younger daughters hanging and hugging his neck. A loving father.
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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Intriguing Facts to Me

Intrigue.
I really wonder whether most of the people have been intrigued by the world that we live in..I'm sure it didn't. thats the way the world is...
for some the world is perfect with their own life, their own people, their own lives..just the way it was and it continued..

life always intrigued me, whatever that has happened or happening around me is something i think about.."the things i experienced, or lived through" have made me thoughtful..that there's a life far from perfect and real..it still exist in our life..we can act blind to it in a way and lead our lives peacefully, perfectly. 

I'm barely remarking my thoughts here. .
what i think is the bonds and relations between men and women is a  broad one, just like love. we feel it to someone who might be from a different place, community or cast. people due to ignorance or male domination( i guess both are responsible) made lines and discretions..in fact people shrunk a very broad and multidimensional reality into one bond "the marriage" 
the love before marriage became a sin then, the first mistake.
the physical love was prohibited even to those who love (the most ridiculous chain to one's self and individuality)
love is divine, physical love is sin...(even poets are responsible for this non sense)
and one day when they're married, everything is fine and calm...
this saga is continued and practiced for a long time, i really hope that ends soon. it has to.
because if it doesn't, women will never be free, i know girls in my class, it was the same with them.. they've been fed this from their childhood ..so i'm not hoping any improvements in that..i really hope may be after 50 or 60 years we won't be following these...
just like a religion, chains leads to explosion..you can't be chained forever.
too sad that the women never really understood it, they've a general belief that speaking out their mind, speaking out their beliefs are perceived badly, true.. cause we males don't like you people to get more freedom or thoughts of freedom..once that happens, we lose our extra pleasures. in order to please the male counterparts women are running after chains..like who is more chained wins..I can't think..

why women study? why women speak for their rights? we give them everything right? thats a common male pshyche here.. too bad women are the most to welcome that.. cause they think they don't have an existence without the male's approval.
Once women are liberated, they'll have the freedom to choose their mates, sexuality is a very personal thing...an individual who is completely formed inside, feels its his or her own private thing and no one has the right to question it, when we let others control it, we're being slaves.

i know mostly girls are formed like packages, packages that are ready to be exported to different places..so all girls try to satisfy the customer in other words, stupid male domination prevailing here..the more vulnerable are more favored to us..so in a way girls are trying relentless to be the number one in this race (number one in slaves)..too sad that they never feel what they want..or they will never feel anything wrong with the system or a simple intrigue in their minds "is this right to me?"never rise.. NO. they're happy the way everything moves, in a way they're just observers of their own lives.

we learn things from our lives, the people we see, the place we live and so on..being the same for years is never favored, instead we adapt, we take the goods and leave the bads..like that we evolve..but i know here where i live, we're going backwards..like centuries before..we're being chained more with religion, cultural beliefs etc...hey this is India, where young adults get killed by their parents for loving from a different cast (i really wish you had read about that).. we live in such a world and still we want to keep all our traditions..there're traditions thats has to be followed and i'm never against it.

in the case of gender equality, personal freedom, individuality, personal expressions, wide outlook etc...we're really walking back to our past..i don't know where we're gonna end up...years before we had ideals to rely on..now we lack that...all we believe in this world is age old traditions and we continue all those even today never asking the reason behind it.

there're a lot of prostitutes, bisexuals, trans-genders, homosexuals, there'll be a time for them to come out of the black and walk freely among us...hope that day is nos so far..people's attitude will change...the world which is hidden from our perfect little world shall open up and shake our beliefs.

Love before marriage is a sin, it is so tough, love someone in a different cast is condemned.. we do that now, times changing cause the world has changed. hope is still there, it runs very slow anyway..people started to understand

one day people living together before marriage will not be a hot news in India..lovers wont be afraid to be their selves to the world..they'll walk the road proudly wearing their own symbols and nature and they'd announce their love kissing publicly. i would love to live that day..heads up. then i'll die...

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Past&Present

Was it you?the face i saw in my dreams?
was it for you i lived in pain?
i had painted you in myself a long time ago,
a carving in my heart,
i waited for you on all those long and winding roads,
to walk with me.
all my flowers are meant for you.
all my dreams're made for you.
i'm here,my garden is ready,
waiting for the one flower it miss..

Frozen

I couldn't come up with a different name..

home sweet home!!! as everyone, my home is one place i cherish the most. now i'm home, in my room and thinking about what all could have happened if i'm not here...that leads to a chance. chances are likely to both sides. I could be either here or somewhere else. i'm here at this moment so i'm not present in the other scenario but if i was at the other scene, i won't be here. so i have to be somewhere, it doesn't matter if its point A or point B. I'm here. that is true so I exist at this moment.
Existing doesn't always mean living.. we exist in many ways inside us..our mind makes us play a lot of roles everyday. some for yourself, some for others, some for someone we would never know..we just do things. most of the time in our own accordance but at times we just do it.
So there'a chance for an opposite too, actually i believe its not a chance but its reality. the opposite is nothing but numbness. total inactivity or partial inactivity. i'm experiencing the latter now. i thought to write a lot of subjects..there're things to be written too but i can't. my fingers are frozen. just the noise of fan in this room makes me aware of some movement happens around me. then i hate the sound of keyboard the other sound in the room, but without it i can't type too..so is this a choice i have to take? again choices..
who am i to decide?
if i decide to to write, i should bare the sound of keyboard..if i choose to be silent, no movement will be there..obviously this post also..
everything is based on a choice now..
there's no meaning for what all i typed now.
but if i never did type it, i'll forget this feeling in one day. so i typed it
so the purpose was always to do something, i typed, i saved..it doesn't mean it was productive for me
as i said before
we just do things!
I just typed!!!
was there a choice in this???