Nudity...

the word itself implies a range of feelings in everyone but apart from its sexual realms, its something so beautiful and to be admired of. no doubt that so many got confused in defining the real experience regarding it. i know in our country we have a common feeling that nudity is a kind of sin and should be protested against but all the time i disagree, i believe human body is one of the most beautiful thing ever in nature. the very shape and fine crafting of human body is something so magnificent and unique.

we've been brought up in a society that teach us the importance of body and at the same time it restricts everything beautiful with it, i couldn't help being silent seeing this contradiction, yet we never had any problem cause that was accepted as normal, but how do we define normal in this topic??

i believe the body is not something to be ashamed of. people are there who thinks his/her body should be covered from anything and anyone. i don't know why..

i have heard various reports of riots against the public portrayals of nudity, such an act arise from a predetermined mind about nudity, no matter if its poetry, paintings, or photos. everything was just destroyed or banished. they just believe they're protecting the society from the darkness, but in fact they aggravate the problem. their mind is too clouded to see the reality. someone or some principles hide this very reality from their minds and create an emptiness they fill with hatred towards the revelations of any kind. i feel pity but thats me

if we don't look into ourselves and if we can't find the beauty i guess we can't be called as Modern man, we just transformed our selves in everything except for the mind, it still stays at the dark ages...

I just Wish

i just wish i could take back the tears....

the hurt, pain and heartache.. just want to turn back the time and make everything straight..
may be thats what is life - a number of promises and broken dreams

                                               - no one get through life without tears

Love and Remembrance

i was not sure to write today but something was telling me to do, like there was something in my chest just waiting to explode out. whatever it is, i like it. it has formed in my mind and its my child.

all my life i felt a craving to be loved, there was many crossroads in life where i had to choose. many people loved me and many hated. i remember those who loved me, they loved me as one of their own. even with all my shortcomings in attitude, they found a simply way to love me.

i was confused about love, and being open in heart, i am someone who like to be loved a lot, yet i can't truthfully say i have loved them back equally. i wanted my love to be without any definitions, we can't simply put love in to a box called relation. i believed that..   love is something so higher that most of us never knew it.

i have done many mistakes in my life, some for love, some other for just relief and yet some other for pleasure and i know i have caused a lot of tears. it was like a river never stopped flowing. it keeps on flowing and i let myself drown in it. it may be my mistake but i let my feelings to define me. most of the times i was in control but sometimes i just let it take over me..

when i look back now, whatever that has happened had a reason, and i won't disavow any of that. let my sins be with me...

Somewhere in the World

i'm just frozen
my mind is stuck
a pair of sad eyes
a drop of tear

all the wrongs
and all the curses
shall find its way
the one who contains all

revelation is sacrifice
for something unknown
something i hope
that would wipe the tears away

i'm waiting
my mind is stuck in time

Erode station....

the yellow board was illuminated with a bright sodium vapor lamp. i read the words one more time, i repeated those in my mind, "erode junction". i was sitting near the window and it was almost past midnight when i reached there. the station had a high power light system which was way up in the high and connected with a long metal pillar but the mist was too much that the pillar was not visible and the lone bulbs in heaven portrayed a flying saucer.

every station feels the same. the ticket counters, policemen, tea stalls, book sellers and a thousand different people who most probably will never meet again. somewhere my journeys i had realized that all railway stations smell the same, the smell of coffee, the food and snacks, countless different sweat and other body fragrances, a lot of people and their hopes about tomorrow....

i could hear the announcement of another train approaching shortly, in this crowded night, in general coupe, i felt lonesome. All of it rushed through my mind, i just thought how many hours more?. sachin and selvin, my friends with a 100 different people i never knew was sleeping peacefully beside me...

i opened the glass window and took a deep breath, raindrops splashed in my palm. the train released its brakes with a shake and howled as it sped through the darkness towards coimbatore...

-the journey never ends...

Its You, Its Me

a broken heart
bleeding feelings
no way to go
no one to care

every night she cries on her bed
every night she is up and sob
the summer turns brown
every night remains the same

to wipe out the tears
to make a short-lived smile
i just try.....

is it the wanting of peace that holds her here?
or is it the wait for the one?
she just hopes and waits
as the sun rises in this dawn
her hopes won't be in vain
her prayers wont be denied
her heart will be mended
she'll be in paradise...

Sins

tonight i'm thinking of sins.....

we all sin for some reason in life, sometimes to protect ourselves, sometimes trying to protect something we value...

i guess its a part of life and it completes life....
there won't be anyone in this world who hasn't sinned, just as Christ said, and the magnitude of a sin can't be measured by anyone cause there's a chain of unfortunate events that leads to committing a sin. Sin is an inevitability of life as anyone who take a real look at it, understand. it creates a feeling of right and wrong in us and drives us away from it but there's a group of people, susceptible to sins, it could be against strangers, or it could be against friends and family members

Is it so bad??
i don't know, really. its not always one's choice to sin. the major instinct of human mind is not to sin or stay away from the circumstances which may make one commit a sin, i believe, but people just sin, sometimes unknowingly, sometimes unwillingly.

ignorance is another factor. i think people like ajmal kasab got a wicked and unjust view about India and such minds are flammable, when its related with people and religion, so they just act unknowingly and intensely but the real sin is to those who ignited such young minds with hatred and intolerance and they just let these minds engulfed in violence and such a result like in mumbai was easily attainable. no doubt, kasab has sinned, he killed a lot of innocent people but there're more responsible people for such a terrible act, catching a pawn never paves way to win a hideous war, its just a step, small but relevant, but the real culprits hideout somewhere, and it should be those who we should be aiming

A perfect and sinless world may look ideal but not really, the human mind is balanced on its reaction towards negatives and positives, a thrive to conquer the unknown and to find a betterment, but for this, the dark sides of life is the motivation, we all like to change and change from what??? we change from the dark to bright and if there's no darkness brightness may not seem that bright

so do we need sin?? i guess its very complex, i believe its not our choice to sin and since human mind never reaches a certain stability as it inherited incompleteness , there will be sins...

Friends!!!

Friends, this single word has a lot of meaning to everyone as it defines a person or a number of people whom we care, love and enjoy... i know countless films have been produced on the same theme too.. it symbolize one of the basic yet profound feelings of human and that is nothing but togetherness.

i have many friends and the moments with them i cherish in my mind, many of them are not with me presently and our bonds has shrunk facing the hard parts of life like not being in contact for weeks, or they stay in different countries etc.. but what really important i felt that every single one of them had made a mark in my mind, the same as i did to them, i believe and they had filled a lot of space in my life with laughter, joy and love. there was no limits, no boundaries, no secrets, it was simply great...

many relations have broken and seems irreparable but no friendship, i think not beyond saving. just put aside our egos and dial the number and it may start a new day. for me i never use to break any of my friendship, and even if someone gets angry about me or after a vicious fight i use to talk to them and make it lighter, i guess that you've to do, many times i've done that for my other friends happiness, it feels right when considering everyone, for my personal thoughts it may sound utterly foolish.

at the moment i'm not in my class, in fact i'm very far from it, have to realize and live with it so i'm not worried too, it has to end this way. no one can be together for too long and i guess that makes it so valuable and precious, the feeling of loosing opens our eyes and we just know how important was all those tiny moments you had with your friends and its even more beautiful when you just think of the days of glory....

friendship is a continuation of your mind and knowledge and it fulfills the meaning of togetherness, as without anything in common a group of people starts up a relation and it grows so deep that you never want to miss anyone ever!!! its magical..

Am i religious???

I was not a faithful believer and follower of church, when i was a boy i used to see it as an obstacle on my way to playground on Sundays and it was purely a childish thought of a boy. i used to read a lot of books from my early childhood and it made me wonder about the world, there was a sense of right and wrong about everything inside me and i tried to define my world around such constraints, so there was a question raised in my mind about belief, what is it? what is the purpose of believing and what does the gods symbolize???

i was born Christian and i was raised the same, but there was something telling me to look for the unseen, all the stories and folk-tale spoke the same old religious version of Christ and his thoughts about humanity and in many of the stories i found a lot of unanswered questions, many of them never satisfied the logic and reason and  i found most of them was written for the common man to be free from agonies of life. the other aspects of such a belief was the fear, the fear that humans will lose morality and plunge into a realm of darkness. it may be true in a way, i presume but i really think people should understand what's being told and what's being real about it, but sadly people just takes the crust of it and deliberately miss the real message. i believe every religion speaks the same truth, the paths are different though it proceeds to the same result.

people often find it very difficult to adjust the differences in the varying casts and creeds there in our society and i never like the idea behind it, once the individual gains prominence, they fear morality will fade but i think its utter foolishness, we, the people are the real treasure for any community and if people gets more freedom it surely adds to the shaping up of the community as fresh ideas come to it in a random but specific way and it helps the growth, but we simply closed our eyes and protested everything that came in our way. the naked truth is always one people fear and it makes our life in worries, to open up and see, it takes nothing, but here we're trapped in the rules that we created to protect something which's just our mind's creation. every god tells the same story, every holy books leads the same ideals, and if one devote himself to an idea without understanding the interwoven truths, its a burden for him and i see a lot of people around me just like that, they believe whatever they read in the bible or any other religious books and confine their life around such a frame, i can't tell they are a 100% wrong but i'm sure thats not the way to follow

we got divided by this caste system which we care a lot in our life, it never united us and it made a gap in people's mind which was ever growing up all these times and many contributing factors in today's world has added in making that gap deep. i don't have a plan to reverse anything and its not possible in a fortnight, but it is possible, people should clarify on their beliefs and respect should be there for another individual and his or her belief.

everyone's the same and equal..

Shadow

The chair was there and waiting
the window was open and radiant
no creature on earth could steal the moment
the beauty of life

the air was cold and heavy
the shadow was upon the mirror
trying desperate to outshine
the beauty of darkness

the sound could be heard
the evil is evaporated
as the shadow turns itself white
nothing holds more truth in life

The Bleeding Truth

life's really something, can't define it....

when you think its over, it always gives you a clue to another way, to another piece of puzzle that is life itself

it holds many secrets, left alone to be discovered, i just hope i see those, as i walk by

this small prayer of mine means a lot to me, it could very well define my whole life

something calls me back to my memories,

no other way

i belong there....

and one day i reach there

the sun is bright and the sky is blue, yet i'm powerless to say the words i needed the most

but its clear, for us, we know....

i guess i knew this destiny, for a very long time....

way long before it even started to form in our brains

the bleeding truth, the blood is thick and pure to the drops

Photography, Unknown Realms of Myself

Photography - "The act of capturing a frame of time, made timeless"

i don't know how far the definition i gave is true, but i see it that way. i was never interested in any of the art forms till 2003. I borrowed a small Pentax camera from my brother in law, it seemed ok for me for some time and it worked flawless till i returned it to him after 2 years. The Pentax was a normal fixed focal length camera and it was very good in capturing "just snaps"

my first real digital camera was a Canon Powershot A 510, i did quite a research behind before selecting the model to buy, there was not even a single night i would sit in net for hours reading the specifications and technical details of different products from a lot of companies, i finally ended up with this model and it handled well, its still with me, almost 13000 photos i have taken with it in its almost five years life with me, i still love that camera and its functions, you simply can't match and it may be injustice to compare it with high-tech compact cameras of today, with just 3.2 MP it gave me amazing results, thanks to the high quality optics from Canon.

The SLR era began last year for me, 2008 December 24, i got my First D-SLR as a Christmas present from my mom, it was another Canon, this time EOS 1000D, its one of the cheapest but operational to its core, has the ability to compete with some high end cameras, fits in my hand, and light (merely half a kilo), it was a fun to shoot with that cam but I've to admit, it hasn't been used for a greater share of time, it was waiting for me in my home and just clocks over a 3000 photos as we almost completed an year......

i was always fascinated with landscapes and most of my photos will be of a nature element, and some abstracts and experiments with different angles and pets are also a subjects for me, to a greater extent i like it as my hobby and in future i want to organize a slide show of my works

the most important aspect of photography is what i felt that your creativity is seen the same even after years and the same time whenever i see a comment in my webpage i feel better, i feel that i'm acknowledged of my work, be it anything, something in that picture caught a pair of eyes and it keeps people to think of that particular topic, that is really one of the most wonderful thing a photo alone can do, a picture speaks a 1000 words after all

May be Continued

Insomniac

i just feel to write something................ may be the day makes me feel so!!!!!

i am tired really, the body started feeling so, eyes are almost closed, knee has some pain...

still i don't want to sleep,

i want to be awake and thinking

what makes you special???

now i'm trying hard not to let my eyes close

i should fell asleep, till that very moment, i want to be in control, awake and smiling

everything else has shrunk into mere chances, the one thing is certain that i am alive and i am planing

i am insomniac, i like it...

Rain

    The rain has came and gone,
    the tears has slid of my eyes,
    i heard a song away,
    away in the woods.
    i closed my eyes,
    my cheeks were waiting for a soft touch,
    i was waiting,waiting for you.
    coming to wipe of my tears ,
    to save me of these frozen tunnel i built to hide myself.
    i felt cold,it made me shiver.
    the winds beat in my ear,
    i could hear the rain,with its all beauty and slow pace...
    its raining
    its raining slowly.......



i don't remember the day i wrote it, but i still feel the breeze on my face as i was typing this in my mobile, it was one year ago, i was in the terrace of hostel and i remember sending this to all my friends....

miles apart, closer than ever

what makes us human???

i guess its the understanding of a fellow being, the one thing that qualifies a life worth living

if you take a moment to stop and listen to the thousands of people walk by you, its not difficult to find out who they are, or who you are...

if you start out to search for the reason of your existence, the whole universe supports you!, i read it in "The Alchemist" i hope its true, as the whole book was great in inspiring people to try and seek what they really need. i liked the whole concept of it, to you, i start my journey...

i know this journey never ends, or there's no destination clearly marked for it, as  the life itself, its a never ending river, it floats, flows sometimes so gentle and calm, some other time totally in a rage...
which one should i choose?? i always felt to set off and search for what i need, i think the time has come for that, everyone comes to a certain paradigm of life like this as sometimes the whole idea may seem absurd but that absurdity is the sweetest facet of it.

here i stand, and i stand alone....

LOVE???

"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment"

i never came across such a thing that is so confusing, multi-dimensional, complicated and colorful, most of the people i know is more qualified in the subject of love, but i had my share of happiness and pain...
i tried a lot to define the feeling of love and every time it slipped off my hand, it has many forms and shapes,  but its because everyone perceives love differently, what i see as love would be passion or lust for some other.

what is love anyway?
is it just the feeling towards your life partner or its the feeling of a mother to her child or it could be anything else, but everyone enjoy different forms of love in their life and it makes your life complete. As it can be in any of the forms, it could very well teach you the various aspects of human life..

the ultimate reason that i found for love to exist is "humans are weaker when they're alone" and we don't want to be alone, do we? no one likes to be lonely, everyone wants to be together with the people they like and the emotional bonding one gets through a partner is an unquestionable feeling of comfort and care

its one universal feeling that unites the people living in different contexts yet there're barriers that we, humans ourselves created against it, i don't know why, a lot of socio economic and religious problems may be......

Fragmented...

i wasn't feeling to write for a while now, i can't just say that cause for some brief moments i thought to, in these days but it was bits of thoughts, or just small fragments which never made into a serious thread... well its the life what makes us lazy right? for me it is, i had a notion about this, hell i hate it but you've to face the ugly fact too "tom, you're supposed to live this too" oh boy! that was one bad line i wrote or which i'm continuously doing at the moment

who knows the ways of life?. i used this phrase?? to many of my friends, i made it our of myself, at least for now since no one has came forward with a claim, so far so good, but is it really good???? that you don't have any control of your life and you just live it in a way without knowing that you being played by it??? hell i don't want to be in such a game, who would want to be????

tonight one of my friends asked me "you're not writing anymore?" i thought ok thats the inspiration i needed to do something with it, today or should i say tonight is not that different from any other nights but what i write is clearly a picture or my mind which is so fragmented now, every piece reflects a part of it, so the thoughts are not continuous, no concentration and i just do things

may be i'll write something else, useful 

next time

Blog Action Day, About the Environment

Today i'm writing for the entire world as i registered in the mass event of blogging about climatic change and global warming, its named as Blog Action Day!!!, its interesting as we observe that people has a general knowledge about the problem it put forward but most of the countries hesitate to do something about it...
more of this event can be seen at www.blogactionday.org and i would really like to thank them for their enthusiastic approach towards it.

when i was a boy i used to look to the sky and wonder how many stars were there in the sky, it always amazed me how everything is created and connected. we, humans are one of the latest thing to appear in earth but we control everything and man has made his impact on history of himself and as well as on earth.

the first pieces of info i got in this topic was from science books, as everyone knows today "because of the rise in CO and other greenhouse gases in atmosphere, the temperature rises". the green house gases trap the solar radiation that is emitted back to the space by earth, which is retained by these gases and it warms up the globe and this is a wonderful thing in an aspect, for its the one thing that makes our life possible here and it stabilizes the climate here but the whole process goes wrong when the concentration of such greenhouse gases increase and hence more heat is circulated in atmosphere and the rise in temperature thus produced creates a global chain of events which are detrimental to the earth and its inhabitants.

i was uncertain about what should i write on the topic, it could get easily all technical and lose the purpose of general reading.. its a massive subject with a lot of ideas and information. its everyone's responsibility to take his or her part in this initiative, it doesn't matter race or color, so thought of limiting the technical side to a lesser extent...

what will happen if the temperature rise 2 or 3 degrees??? the polar ice caps will melt and many cities and places we know today will be lost for ever and the economic and social problems like migration from the affected places, scarcity of food and shelter, poverty, diseases will be shooting up and to control such problems a lot of money is needed.

i know many people here still believe such things will never happen in earth or god will protect us from all calamities, but i see it as lame excuse. if the ice caps of poles were to melt the resulting chain of events will not stop with a rise in the level of see by 20 meter or something, it will continue, it disrupts the wind formation, the ocean currents either stops or change its course because of dilution in salinity of sea, as a result of these changes the global precipitation distribution is further gets damaged and drought will be higher in one part of world while floods will be in the other side..

the effects of global warming are starting to show up in our life, the more drastic changes are only predicted but it could actually happen anytime and it wont give us time for preparation and restoration, so we have to act beforehand and since its a global threat, i believe the change should begin from each and everyone of us.

planting a tree whenever you can is quite simple, the usage of coal, petroleum and other fossil fuels should be reduced, electricity should not be wasted, the usage of freons should be minimized, unconventional energy sources like solar and wind turbines should be used, more efficient engines should be manufactured by companies,hydrogen fuel cells can be an alternate to internal combustion engines... there are more you can do but all you need is a vision about the future, a dream that is fulfilled only with the cooperation of everyone in this planet, its for you, its for me, its for the generations to come...

Tom Robins V.S

Feeling insecure

today i'm tired thinking, what makes my life this much tied to things i want to break, its tough................
i tried to do things better but for some it turned out to be their biggest pains. i'm not gonna talk about who and what they are now, they had enough already with me why make them more sad, most of the time the happiness they had being with me was very little compared to the sufferings which was enormous.... may be my nature of seeing things and life made it bad for them.

i was always like that, i'll admit, i was not someone who would go along with a normal life. but skipping to what people refer normal was never a choice for me.... the ones who loved me always found i'm a good reason that can cause immense heartache, i know one, i know it didn't have to end like that but its over now and i feel its the right thing to do. i couldn't make it straight, always had misunderstandings and worries and i'm not blaming the other side, it was my fault and it will be, always. once i had an expectation that it wont be a complete silence, we knew each other i believe, yet its better to be in silence, time fades everything.....

i had not thought of putting up an intro for this blog

when it comes to writing something, i just keep on doing it without having any idea of where my language goes!!! if someone's reading this and finding its totally crap about the usages and stuff then i'm sorry, but i'm not. i'm not gonna change it, for the simple fact that i hate most of the rules so hell i'm not gonna follow one when i'm writing.....

i had a lot to say but not feeling to write, its too late now and i have to wake up at 7 which i consider way too early for me. heheheh. right now i'm planning to be more honest in this blog, i like to discuss things which most people would want as a secret, so if i get in the right mood, you can always expect more.......

i know nobody is reading this, but i'm writing this for my personal relief and for the hope that someday there will be some readers for this

enough for today

bye bye

12-10-2009, 1.35 am

its time again

there's a certain fact in life that we likes to keep our fears and worries inside, i'm made like that and it makes me sometime hiding from others, well i always liked to add a small fraction of ambiguity to the image i projected out about myself, most of them considered as i was hiding my true feelings inside because it could hurt them but in fact i was not sure what to express and not

so the real question begins from a small but unique thought about your whole life. is it just going as the way you planned? or it just goes somewhere and you just move along?, in either case life moves on and you reach a point where you don't consider whats happening in your life. i had reached there a long time before and it was good in a very dramatic way i would put but the same time it was hard to keep up and yet i came back to the greener side and i again started expecting or started making plans about life and like every plan, the fundamental problem with any plan is the plan itself is based on a complex array of thoughts which begins rationally or from a complete absurdity and this makes the plan vulnerable to failures than expected

are we suppose to expect failure? i asked this question to myself and it seems pretty difficult to answer at the moment because one has to think deeply before finding a conclusion. a person might feel that he/she's in complete control in his/her life but is it???. you have to ask that question and most probable answer would be a solid no.

a person can choose to be alone or be in a flock, its a matter of personal choice but i believe circumstances plays a lot in it, many people gets trapped in loneliness, for they didn't fit the taste of the majority or they just seemed too weird for the others and yet there's the other group the people who enjoys a large number of friends and i believe they also leads a lonely life inside and the difference between them and the lonely people is that they could really balance with a demanding world for equal sides.

this brings us the implications of both choices, if we choose to be popular its good, you'll be happy and friends will be there to back you up but what happens to the other group, they're in a constant search for an exit and some are lucky enough to actually find one while others end up searching. the scenario could be worse if someone is trapped in between these two conditions, one is very popular with a lot of friends and leading a lonely life inside, i had mentioned this previously but its the intensity of it which counts, if you're not left alone for you to feel bad with your friends, there won't be much of a stress but if you're then you may find its rather difficult to cope with and this could really lead to the hiding of one's self.

the realization of one's self begins from what all the values we attribute to the subjects in life and we use to search for people who goes aligned with your mental strategies but individual differences comes into play and for some it makes a prominent change while others try to change the ones around them

what are the points of alignment we seek in our friends??? it could be wealth, style, thoughts, background, mental ability, and more but what makes us wanted for them???. the story of wanting for togetherness runs both ways, we would like to be wanted as the same as we want them, and if we're to find over a 60% of same taste in our friends, we take them for granted and this may lead to complications in the future as one cannot expect to behave just the way the other wanted him/her to. so expectations may fail and this may also lead to a false feeling that you made a mistake and it further complicates the problem with the wanting to hide one's true feelings which i believe is a rescue mechanism or prevention for people to escape from emotional wear and tear

once this occurs the person feels to shrink to the very core of his nature and make an inaccurate reading of the outer world, most of the people get rid of this negative impression provided given time to recuperate but there's a small number of people who takes this pretty seriously and they find its rather irrelevant to show what you really feel and they stop relating informations to anyone, most of them feel reluctant to talk just the way i am experiencing it now.

in a certain point of life i understood if you wants to be remembered you've to ring the bells periodically and it happens to everyone, some enjoys it while some don't, what i felt was somewhat of the latter kind, i stopped talking to most of my friends, something hinders it, i find a simple question in mind "what's there so special to talk?" this happens because i don't have anything to tell them, a conversation is supposed to be happening on both sides of individuals and i just hate the fact that my life has stalled for a long time now, and such a mind loses its originality and credibility not to mention the creativity which is way long gone, so i just keep my side silent and dark and i avoid any chance of lighting it up hence it reveals the hidden corners

many of them would be thinking what has happened to me, its plain and simple

"its just you know what you're not supposed to be but manages to end up the same"

Tom Robins V.S

11/10/2009 1.58 am

October 5th, 2009

spells, the spells in my head

i could hear them

reverbing in my head,

just keep on moving

they're so wonderful

i feel too much drawn to it

as they'd been casted for me

i keep on moving

its my anguish

my agony

the pain in my head

the sounds of my soul

it never leaves me,

sometimes it gets so loud

sometimes its a whisper

its my private pain