the story of the paper seller or what I thought it was!

I saw this man twice on the road, on front of trinity centre and in front of my work place. He was middle aged, was wearing a fluorescent orange jacket and a cap. In one hand he had a stack of news paper and on the other he held out a fresh copy.
The one thing I caught from him was his behaviour despite the fact he was having one of the coldest day in aberdeen, he was so calm, so polite, it was so hard walking past him without buying the news.
His face is something I always remember with amuse.
I never seen him after that day
So I uses to thinking
About his family, like he is having 2 daughters..they welcome him when he reaches home after work, the last image in my mind was always the younger daughters hanging and hugging his neck. A loving father.

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Intriguing Facts to Me

Intrigue.

I really wonder whether most of the people have been intrigued by the world that we live in..I'm sure it didn't. thats the way the world is...

for some the world is perfect with their own life, their own people, their own lives..just the way it was and it continued..

life always intrigued me, whatever that has happened or happening around me is something i think about.."the things i experienced, or lived through" have made me thoughtful..that there's a life far from perfect and real..it still exist in our life..we can act blind to it in a way and lead our lives peacefully, perfectly. 

I'm barely remarking my thoughts here. .

what i think is the bonds and relations between men and women is a  broad one, just like love. we feel it to someone who might be from a different place, community or cast. people due to ignorance or male domination( i guess both are responsible) made lines and discretions..in fact people shrunk a very broad and multidimensional reality into one bond "the marriage" 

the love before marriage became a sin then, the first mistake.

the physical love was prohibited even to those who love (the most ridiculous chain to one's self and individuality)

love is divine, physical love is sin...(even poets are responsible for this non sense)

and one day when they're married, everything is fine and calm...

this saga is continued and practiced for a long time, i really hope that ends soon. it has to.

because if it doesn't, women will never be free, i know girls in my class, it was the same with them.. they've been fed this from their childhood ..so i'm not hoping any improvements in that..i really hope may be after 50 or 60 years we won't be following these...

just like a religion, chains leads to explosion..you can't be chained forever.

too sad that the women never really understood it, they've a general belief that speaking out their mind, speaking out their beliefs are perceived badly, true.. cause we males don't like you people to get more freedom or thoughts of freedom..once that happens, we lose our extra pleasures. in order to please the male counterparts women are running after chains..like who is more chained wins..I can't think..

why women study? why women speak for their rights? we give them everything right? thats a common male pshyche here.. too bad women are the most to welcome that.. cause they think they don't have an existence without the male's approval.

Once women are liberated, they'll have the freedom to choose their mates, sexuality is a very personal thing...an individual who is completely formed inside, feels its his or her own private thing and no one has the right to question it, when we let others control it, we're being slaves.

i know mostly girls are formed like packages, packages that are ready to be exported to different places..so all girls try to satisfy the customer in other words, stupid male domination prevailing here..the more vulnerable are more favored to us..so in a way girls are trying relentless to be the number one in this race (number one in slaves)..too sad that they never feel what they want..or they will never feel anything wrong with the system or a simple intrigue in their minds "is this right to me?"never rise.. NO. they're happy the way everything moves, in a way they're just observers of their own lives.

we learn things from our lives, the people we see, the place we live and so on..being the same for years is never favored, instead we adapt, we take the goods and leave the bads..like that we evolve..but i know here where i live, we're going backwards..like centuries before..we're being chained more with religion, cultural beliefs etc...hey this is India, where young adults get killed by their parents for loving from a different cast (i really wish you had read about that).. we live in such a world and still we want to keep all our traditions..there're traditions thats has to be followed and i'm never against it.

in the case of gender equality, personal freedom, individuality, personal expressions, wide outlook etc...we're really walking back to our past..i don't know where we're gonna end up...years before we had ideals to rely on..now we lack that...all we believe in this world is age old traditions and we continue all those even today never asking the reason behind it.

there're a lot of prostitutes, bisexuals, trans-genders, homosexuals, there'll be a time for them to come out of the black and walk freely among us...hope that day is nos so far..people's attitude will change...the world which is hidden from our perfect little world shall open up and shake our beliefs.

Love before marriage is a sin, it is so tough, love someone in a different cast is condemned.. we do that now, times changing cause the world has changed. hope is still there, it runs very slow anyway..people started to understand

one day people living together before marriage will not be a hot news in India..lovers wont be afraid to be their selves to the world..they'll walk the road proudly wearing their own symbols and nature and they'd announce their love kissing publicly. i would love to live that day..heads up. then i'll die...

Past&Present

Was it you?the face i saw in my dreams?
was it for you i lived in pain?
i had painted you in myself a long time ago,
a carving in my heart,
i waited for you on all those long and winding roads,
to walk with me.
all my flowers are meant for you.
all my dreams're made for you.
i'm here,my garden is ready,
waiting for the one flower it miss..

Frozen

I couldn't come up with a different name..

home sweet home!!! as everyone, my home is one place i cherish the most. now i'm home, in my room and thinking about what all could have happened if i'm not here...that leads to a chance. chances are likely to both sides. I could be either here or somewhere else. i'm here at this moment so i'm not present in the other scenario but if i was at the other scene, i won't be here. so i have to be somewhere, it doesn't matter if its point A or point B. I'm here. that is true so I exist at this moment.
Existing doesn't always mean living.. we exist in many ways inside us..our mind makes us play a lot of roles everyday. some for yourself, some for others, some for someone we would never know..we just do things. most of the time in our own accordance but at times we just do it.
So there'a chance for an opposite too, actually i believe its not a chance but its reality. the opposite is nothing but numbness. total inactivity or partial inactivity. i'm experiencing the latter now. i thought to write a lot of subjects..there're things to be written too but i can't. my fingers are frozen. just the noise of fan in this room makes me aware of some movement happens around me. then i hate the sound of keyboard the other sound in the room, but without it i can't type too..so is this a choice i have to take? again choices..
who am i to decide?
if i decide to to write, i should bare the sound of keyboard..if i choose to be silent, no movement will be there..obviously this post also..
everything is based on a choice now..
there's no meaning for what all i typed now.
but if i never did type it, i'll forget this feeling in one day. so i typed it
so the purpose was always to do something, i typed, i saved..it doesn't mean it was productive for me
as i said before
we just do things!
I just typed!!!
was there a choice in this???

Tears...

i sat here, covering my face in palms
i sat here, stricken by an arrow to the heart
felt the blood ooze out
felt the pain spread through my veins

tried to cry, but my throat felt heavy
tried to call you loud but my mouth remained shut

my vision was blurred of tears
my heart was heavy of sadness
i prayed
make me free from these chains
make me breathe life..

Tears are pain,
Tears are life,
Tears are us...

One Chapter..

You have to be sensitive, if you want to be creative.
seems true to me, after all there was nothing for me to write in August.. a whole month without anything to write.. God!!!! What had happened to me those days???
I don't know...it seems i write or jot down some lines only when i'm sad... Do sadness arouse creativity?? well it works just fine with me..
I'm not gonna write what's the reason for my sadness here... hey c'mon..everyone has a life filled with pain..mine is not different..was "this" close to my biggest dream..and not its a mere chance..it may happen or it may pass me..
you can work for a thing in life, you get everything ready for it..sometimes life gives you all..sometimes it doesn't...sometimes life hits you so hard, that you're broken inside..shattered..I'm a bit of that now...
lets be honest..I never knew it would be like this...i mean this time Ok!!!..this is not obviously the first time i face this..
what to do..I've to keep trying..make everything right..will make it somehow..
Gonna start trying for it, starts tomorrow...
Who knows the ways of life?
I never Did...

Poison

Heal me with your potion of Love,
touch these bleeding scars on my heart
yes you can make my pains go away
my daemons'll vanish,make my heart pure
cleanse my wounds
wash these stains off my soul
rescue me from the deaf,
that i can hear the wilderness again
walk with me these strange paths of life
i'm on a crossroad, guide me through
save me from darkness,
that i rely myself on you
a rest for my soul
a hand for me to hold.

Who am i in this world?

I want to go away as far as possible..i want to leave everything and shrink my self to a bed and one single room...

A dream?

I joined in Kongunadu after a lot of confusions and problems, from the first day i knew i made a mistake but stepping back from anything i started was not something i'd thrill about. days passed, i kept on failing exams, couldn't understand anything, felt wasted a lot of money. the days were hell as well as nights. too much stress, teachers were not at all encouraging but they had enough time to make fun of me.
i still remember my practical model exam, i stood there without any clue about it, didn't know anything. i just washed some glasswares, didn't know why i did that. i looked around and everyone is busy doing practical, i felt alone and to run away. Rabeeth sir came and helped me, seeing my face like that i guess, or did he have a heart to help people, i never thought so before and i never knew it after. muthukumar sir called me for viva, i stepped in, sat there and told him "sir, there's no need of this, I don't know anything, anything at all" he was stunned, guess it was the first time a student says like this. he asked some silly questions and i answered. he told me "you know things". somehow it was over, but the practical main exams were easy somewhat. the model exam taught me really.
the first semester exams, theory papers i'll never forget, the fear of failure was that much. i sleep for 20 minutes in night and read all i can, the last exam of first semester was Bio instrumentation, i used to go with my bucket to reading room so i can save some time when i go to bath. on that day while i was walking through the corridor to bathroom, i imagined "how will it be when i walk to bathroom for my last exam here?" days passed, i grew older, M.Sc was tough and one day i knew, the day i dreamt years before is the next day....

i remember walking on the same corridor with a smile for my last exam, it was environmental biotechnology, i sighed and told myself, this is over, in some 3 or 4 hours i'm out of this circle, felt relieved and wrote my exam. when it was over i thought i would be happy but even then i didn't feel much. just like its over...

may be my life made me impermeable to some, while others are more intrusive...
where is the real relief, is it in mind or something that affects our mind???
where i can find that answer???

"Know Thy Self"

May be Someday I shall...

Never Let Go

Letting go someone is not my option and i believe there's always a chance to return to what you closed.

Good Bye!

 This is a small note, i know not many people read my blog, in fact only 3 reads it. but this is my mind, my sweat and tears. this is my life

all my life i tried to be different and find out something new, i am thoughtful for a lot of reasons, its my heartfelt pain that such a mind never did any good to me, except i got trapped in a world of ideals built for myself. i realize sometimes that its not possible in a human life to follow such ideals for we act according to situations, and every situation is created by a chain of events. it just makes me say there's no control over things or there's a very greater deal of control that we just don't understand.

So this small note is for my friends, there's a fair amount of friends can't stand my thoughts, there are others who loves it. i'm writing it for the ones who love me, for the haters they have their reasons and probably right about that.

i am writing this because i'm giving myself a rest, its like a period of inactivity. i have to do some things and make up my life, otherwise i'll always be a pain for my friends who love me and for the opposite, a subject for fun.
i'm not intending to be both. So i am leaving you all. If i'm reaching where i should be or in a position that they can proudly say about our friendship, then i'll return to you.

i know i'll miss a lot of things in life, but i have to do this.
take care
bye

Before the Sunset

many a times, i felt speechless in this world, surrounded by words in my mind, i felt numb.
like a honk of a train, words came and left me. like faint notes, like rain, it showered on me.
i stood and wet myself. this one day shall not be forgotten...
this one day is special...
silence must be heard
souls must be awakened
the earth must be trembled
everything must be renewed.

Sorry

Sometimes i just wonder, is this its all about???
is this what matters most???

what the hell i was doing then???
for all the mistakes i am sorry
for all my expectations i'm sorry to myself
it was never meant to happen the way what i wanted

How much is your life worth?

most of the people i know don't really value their life, me also, have to admit that. well don't bother me. i am not the one to make a judgement on the people who don't value life or the others who value it a lot. as i think of it, i find it rather common to people, that we never care for things until the moment we're gonna loose it and this stays true even for our dear life. well that is human life after all.

that's not the point of talk for tonight. this incident didn't leave too much of a mark in me, but everything leaves a memory and this is not classified as the golden or sweet. this incident is a death. a death of someone i barely knew. you might think whats so special about it? there's nothing special but its there in my mind, its just there.

it happened in august 08, not sure of the date. we friends were out for a small party (read it as escaping the stupid food of mess) so we liked those events. we just go to a favorite hotel, eat enough chicken then an ice cream. thats the usual plan but on that day it was different.

one of my friend stays in his home, the rest of us are in hostel, he usually waits us in town and we met and he got a call, he stopped walking and told us, "guys our lab assistants met with an accident, they're in medical college, we've to go" so we started to the hospital, i never knew it would turn out the way it did.

we reached the hospital and the guard wouldn't let us in, he needs bribe. i don't remember we paid him or not but we got in. we're studying for pg and our lab assistant was ok, he had some bruises and cuts, there was nothing to worry about him and he was conscious. so we greeted him and wished him a speedy recovery. the lab assistant for the UG who is younger was in a critical condition and was in Intensive care unit in a different block.

we got there and only two can go inside at a time, and we are six. so me and my friend waited for our turn. my other friends went inside as 2 batches and came out, they said its serious. our turn came, we got inside the building, and its dirty everywhere, people spits on the walls, cigarettes, and all dirty stuff i can remember. we got into a room, it says ICU but it never looked an actual ICU, its just open for anyone to come and visit, it was a long hall, a bed is there, a patient is there and he is breathing heavily, a heart beat monitor plugged into his index finger i guess, it display 90+ per minute and increasing. i noticed all these, then there was a table a doctor(probably a junior) and some nurses are talking something and smiling. i couldn't find our patient there and i asked them where he is.

"its him in the bed" he replied, i still remember that monotonous voice.

i couldn't even think it was him, his face was badly hurt, all his right side of facial bones were broken so his face was full of inflammation and i couldn't recognize him, he was a young and always smiling person. they told me he has head injury and only a hospital that is 600 km away can cure him and this guy's not so rich and there's nothing further they can do there. they were just waiting for the heart beat to come down and internal bleeding to stop. he also had his right forearm broken which had been plastered.

we got out me and my friends were angry cause of the insignificance they shown, a person is fighting for his life and the ones who should be taking care just sitting and chatting. that ICU was full of dirt, no AC just a small stupid fan. open windows, mosquitoes, every piece of crap that should not belong to an ICU was there. his boys family was outside, we gave our phone numbers and left. that day's party wasn't so much fun.

the next day morning at 6 am, my friend woke me up, i knew why he woke me, he's gone. i felt numb, it was obvious and expected but i couldn't believe, death leaves a space inside our hearts which is never complete again. we started to hospital and everyone was there, his family was sobbing and we went into morgue, there was his body just lying lifeless on the floor soaked wet with disinfectant and fluids, left in a cloth filled of blood on a corner, like a piece of wasted cloth. i'll never forget that sight. i couldn't help thinking he was alive just a few hours ago and i believe a lot of people are responsible for his death, not just the driver of the bus which hit their bike.
it took 2 days to release his body, they didn't have enough money and the postmortem got delayed.
just before his creamtion, his father held his feet and prayed holding it and crying, then his body was slowly moved into the furnace.
he was just in his early twenties...

to ashes, to nothingness, you walk away and what you've left behind still stays in our mind. i said this to myself, slowly.

How much is your life worth???

Where is the real Feminine Spirit???

I was about to switch off the TV and my eyes struck in a talk show, it was about what actress kushbu said about virginity and sex, the same had started a big controversy in tamil nadu had its sparks here in kerala that time. well everyone just forgot about it and the thing came to spotlight few days back when the supreme court of India made an obvious observation on the plot that "sex before marriage is no way a crime, yet its a right of the individual" it may not be the exact words but the gist. a lot of talks were going on about it and several religious leaders and other figures stood against it as it denies the perfect explanation of family and it promotes the youth to go against our culture and tradition.

i'd clearly like to go with what kushbu said, there are a number of reasons for that. the first will be that i consider sex to be just a drive, like any other say hunger,thirst etc.. sex is not something to be considered too important at all, its just a function of the body. we in our culture that made the entire thing so important and our religiously intertwined lives just made it more miserable. people have a feeling that seeking sex is somewhat of a sin, its deeply routed in the religions structure that says sex or sexual pleasures is a sin and against god. we see the majority in christianity that priests and nuns are not allowed to marry and submerging the bodily needs is considered to be divine. both are not having anything to do with a common man but the mere thought of sex is a sin is continuously fed into people's mind by all of these factors.

Virginity - i don't even know why people even care about such a thing in the world, its just an age old concept that the woman should be a virgin till marriage but the same clause allowed men more freedom, only women should follow the laws of virginity. i don't know how such an inherently flawed rule exits itself, as it just let half of the population free while the other half should follow it strictly.

the people opposes kushbu says that they're protectors of the system but are they?, i really wonder how women would go aligned all these rules made by men just to control women, may be they don't know or they just got trapped in an image created by a male dominant society. they got trapped in a model or guidelines to be a perfect woman. the laws of virginity and sex against women is made because they wouldn't express their selves in this world, the feminine character is denied here and more interestingly women support these laws wholeheartedly, Pure ignorance.

even today when a girl reaches her maturity she is not allowed to make her choice about a mate, a lot of social and religious thing come into play and its all a mess, while the parents could play an active part in choosing the one or correcting the mistakes but its not a freedom on individual choice, but what happens here is parents decide everything, since we rely on a common assumption that parents know their kids more, but is that true today? you should be asking yourself. 

people here relies and believes on a euphoric world called family. it defines the world to us and everything is so perfect, but do we actually have something like that?. we think we do, but we don't. what we have is a good old concept and the exact opposite is real life. in most of the homes the decisions come from the head of the family and that is the male, the female is not allowed to express her true feelings other than what we, males allowed them to. yet women find it more than that they need. the ones who is responsible for such a state is the mothers of today and previous years. we mark different lines for girls and boys, we give different places for boys and girls, everything is different and we make up 2 different class of people. one with an inferiority complex, the other with superiority. and we still complain girls are not opening up, women are not doing anything productive, women waste their time. yes true, the actual fact we never let them, isn't that the truth?

The world is waiting and the decision and desire should spark in yourself girl, think!. 

IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO BE OR IS THIS WHAT I WANT YOU TO BE???

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU...

Pieces of my Heart

i always loved to be awake in nights today is no different, but every night has its own soul. this night is dark, not even a single ray of light, just feels it reflects my mind. my heart is filled with a lot of memories now. it varies from the simplest to the most complex forms of emotions. there are people, there are faces just comes and goes to my memory.

what we care the most in life?
i am out of answers now
feels something different, no one else can know
everyone teaches you something and it never ends
some lessons are so hard that i feel i should never have started learning
it will surely leave an impression on me
whatever i do
again people and faces
they all speak the same language
where all these leads to?
i just want to be out of here
from this raging randomness,even if its the key
just want to sit on a bench and watch the waves in a sea
just want to feel the cold morning breeze
sitting there, thinking
just want to spend my life there
i wish you could see this
life is a gift.

The Missing Thing

Feels alone...
there's something wrong with me or the rest of the world
wants to break away from everyone and walk away.
i should bear things in my heart, cause no one understands it.
i have never met a person thinks in a manner similar.
most of them were not at all ready for even trying to understand
everyone is living with a value, which they attributed to everyone and everything
and my value is nearly zero if i speak out my mind.
better contain everything in me
people fights that we are not open in heart
i am afraid
i know no one would take what all i have in mind
its stupidity, outrageous, foolishness, worse
i am all this
leave everything on me,
i'll take everything
all the pain, anguish, heartache, tears... i am reason
leave it to me
i should be going through all that
i deserve it.
thats why i am like this... thats why i am here.

One more time

Let my love cleanse this desert i walk on
Let it rain
Let the sand turn snow
Let it flower on these barren lands
Let life flourish
Let life flow through my veins, One more time.                          

Still the Same

There are somethings in this world that never change..
no matter how far you try and expect it would be different.
when you find the real, it still remain the same
it never changed..
i failed
Once again.

Note

one thing you missed

i too wish to turn back everything, to make everything better..
i never wanted to leave you, and i won't
if you can see me as the old person, then i haven't changed.
a friend, mentor whatever i was, i still am
its only about me i felt to stop
i wish i could talk to you like before
for hours, without any hesitations..
you were also sad, these days... i knew but i didn't know what to do
i am sorry
the final sorry was a realization
that i don't need it with you..
i can come back to you anytime, its a belief that i have,
you will be there
and my mind has changed, its just this feeling of death that makes me do all these
never be sad of the things i say, its me...

i don't know the meaning of relations..
i don't know what we all talk about
i don't know who is who and what is what
if you think for one second that i don't need you,
you're wrong
if you think i have others for one second
you're wrong
there's a lot of things that you've to go through to know them
somethings just can never be explained
like silence.. you can never explain silence
and you think you're not worthy of a friend,so i don't share to you right?
you're wrong
if you cannot see me, i can't show that
if you don't feel me, i can't explain
i was living my life when i was with you and i will be that if i was happy inside
and i am not, don't ask me to be the one when i am dead inside
i hope at least this you'd understand
you've always confused it to the distance
distance doesn't count
only the mentality counts anywhere...

A note For YOU

yes, you're right...

i have made it limited, the talks, the happenings, everything i feel to limit... as a matter of fact.. i feel dead inside. and i feel i should return to my loneliness than any other thing in the world.. you may not get this cause you're always there to make sure that doesn't happen... but i know. i don't need anything. As you say i don't expect anything. not even a smile from all my friends. I am some one that who shouldn't be there in memories.. have to go away.. feels to walk away from everyone.. when some one think about me it will be like "ya he was a good guy but he just left everyone" thats more better..i don't belong among all you good people, i tried to be one but no, its not possible with me, staying here and trying for a change, i did.. for all these time... but there are somethings that never change.. it still the same and it will always be i suppose..the world can't change and the things i believe is of little value, when i feel it has changed, then i might think of coming back, i won't get all those i lost, i know. but its something i have to go through... i don't need love, care, trust, friendship.. nothing i need...i am just someone, someone like a ghost

i know how bad its for you and i am being selfish here.. i am acting on something i want to.. this is not something you'd appreciate. but the things i seek, and the things i value is totally pointless here in this world. it has shown me that repeatedly but just hoped it would change.. sometimes i can't fight this..feels there is no point in fighting.. and sometimes i feel like i shouldn't be given all these.. i should be somewhere alone..for all the darkness

i feel silence and i like it.. feels sleepy that also gives darkness to my eyes..
i know what you always say, friends are suppose to share everything.. ya i know. thats the truth and i have done that with you.. but now i am not feeling to open my heart, not to anyone.. so no one really knows what runs in my mind... and i felt to stop explaining.. there is nothing crazier than that.. its just i feel something and i am trying to present it to the world in a hope. i really shouldn't hope.. i shouldn't even think of it..

you say you get depressed right, consider i am with you in that... the good thing about it, the result is determined and we can't help each other.. its a journey where the end is known even before we started....

so be it... i am accepting it.. for all the good things (if any) i have done and the countless tears i caused to you, this will be the final sorry...

feels more to write, but that also i feel pointless

Just a Note

I AM ANGRY

At EVERYTHING, EVERYONE...

I AM TIRED.

NO MORE EXPLANATIONS.

I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND THIS TOO...

SO BE IT, I'LL STOP

The Lone Man

Once a friend wrote to me, the one who stands alone is the one who stands tall...
now i know what she meant..

Stars that Shine

There was a time that i used to wonder seeing the stars, that what will happen to my dreams.. the stars are still there, shining at me.. today when i was walking back home, i was looking at the sky and i felt like i'm that small kid who always loved to watch night sky, loved to be among them, who flash the sky with a torch and wonder when the light from torch gonna reach the star to which he aimed for...

i just felt to go back, be that kid again who was not afraid of his dreams...

just one more night...

For someone close to my heart..

One afternoon, during our second year in degree, you came to me and we started our friendship. it was so amazing for me that time. the one thing that made us close was the resemblance of ideas and interests. i felt really happy that i got someone to talk to and be open with.. and then it began.

our time was so short, i used to think. i never felt time was flying but it was. 3 years were over just like that. i still remember all the small things between us, the journey, the Christmas cards, birthday gifts, cakes, celebrations.. everything is there...but what important is, everything you ever been to me is so valuable to me. i have those memories in mind, all the time..as you always said, the twin souls. we were..

change does occur, right?. it has to, and we also got changed after that.. the calls got shorter, sometime nil.. but i truly believe that we haven't changed inside but other things got in our way of expressing it.. other problems, other priorities... 

i won't say our friendship rocked or it was the greatest time of our life, not at all..

i know the friendship was true and i really care and value every minute we had in life..

i used to drive you mad so well, can't forget that...

its time for you to take a big step in your life.. and my heart is with you, in whatever you do.. this friend is there, always to support you...

you've made me come back to something, something i lost in my life...and that was myself..

take care parvy...

Why?

i wrote these few days back, didn't want to publish but i guess its ok now. my mind has recovered from it...
so this is it.

for all the pain and dreams, burn me
for the end has to begin, i take it upon me
let me bleed out
let me scream, for everything i have been a reason
for every wrongs
for every discord
for every second spend in expectation
for every minute of hope that was in vain
for every reason
i'm responsible

as the dunes in desert
as the waves in an ocean
as the rain in mountains
i hover the ways of life
yet not reaching anywhere
just keep on circling
it never ends
it just transforms

my hopes and prayers end in silence
its so beautiful sometimes
i have a path before me
feels so good to walk alone

One Sunday

Sunday...

i woke up 7.30 in the morning, considering my life, its still to early but had to take pappa to a funeral..
i woke up and sat on the bad, my head was complaining inside, it wanted to sleep more. i was thinking about the dream i was about to finish the moment my mom woke me up. i felt silent and empty headed. it was a usual morning in january.. cool breeze was outside, i could hear it.

we set out and i was thinking about people while i was driving, my mom in back seat kept reminding me that i'm way over fast but i didn't listen.. pappa and mummy were chatting about something, i stopped listening and started lingering with memories..

every day begins as the sun rises and ends when we sleep, we goes through a number of instances everyday and its like a big drawing board and thousands of instances that makes up a big collage that our life is, everyone is connected to it some way..