The Missing Thing

Feels alone...
there's something wrong with me or the rest of the world
wants to break away from everyone and walk away.
i should bear things in my heart, cause no one understands it.
i have never met a person thinks in a manner similar.
most of them were not at all ready for even trying to understand
everyone is living with a value, which they attributed to everyone and everything
and my value is nearly zero if i speak out my mind.
better contain everything in me
people fights that we are not open in heart
i am afraid
i know no one would take what all i have in mind
its stupidity, outrageous, foolishness, worse
i am all this
leave everything on me,
i'll take everything
all the pain, anguish, heartache, tears... i am reason
leave it to me
i should be going through all that
i deserve it.
thats why i am like this... thats why i am here.

One more time

Let my love cleanse this desert i walk on
Let it rain
Let the sand turn snow
Let it flower on these barren lands
Let life flourish
Let life flow through my veins, One more time.                          

Still the Same

There are somethings in this world that never change..
no matter how far you try and expect it would be different.
when you find the real, it still remain the same
it never changed..
i failed
Once again.

Note

one thing you missed

i too wish to turn back everything, to make everything better..
i never wanted to leave you, and i won't
if you can see me as the old person, then i haven't changed.
a friend, mentor whatever i was, i still am
its only about me i felt to stop
i wish i could talk to you like before
for hours, without any hesitations..
you were also sad, these days... i knew but i didn't know what to do
i am sorry
the final sorry was a realization
that i don't need it with you..
i can come back to you anytime, its a belief that i have,
you will be there
and my mind has changed, its just this feeling of death that makes me do all these
never be sad of the things i say, its me...

i don't know the meaning of relations..
i don't know what we all talk about
i don't know who is who and what is what
if you think for one second that i don't need you,
you're wrong
if you think i have others for one second
you're wrong
there's a lot of things that you've to go through to know them
somethings just can never be explained
like silence.. you can never explain silence
and you think you're not worthy of a friend,so i don't share to you right?
you're wrong
if you cannot see me, i can't show that
if you don't feel me, i can't explain
i was living my life when i was with you and i will be that if i was happy inside
and i am not, don't ask me to be the one when i am dead inside
i hope at least this you'd understand
you've always confused it to the distance
distance doesn't count
only the mentality counts anywhere...

A note For YOU

yes, you're right...

i have made it limited, the talks, the happenings, everything i feel to limit... as a matter of fact.. i feel dead inside. and i feel i should return to my loneliness than any other thing in the world.. you may not get this cause you're always there to make sure that doesn't happen... but i know. i don't need anything. As you say i don't expect anything. not even a smile from all my friends. I am some one that who shouldn't be there in memories.. have to go away.. feels to walk away from everyone.. when some one think about me it will be like "ya he was a good guy but he just left everyone" thats more better..i don't belong among all you good people, i tried to be one but no, its not possible with me, staying here and trying for a change, i did.. for all these time... but there are somethings that never change.. it still the same and it will always be i suppose..the world can't change and the things i believe is of little value, when i feel it has changed, then i might think of coming back, i won't get all those i lost, i know. but its something i have to go through... i don't need love, care, trust, friendship.. nothing i need...i am just someone, someone like a ghost

i know how bad its for you and i am being selfish here.. i am acting on something i want to.. this is not something you'd appreciate. but the things i seek, and the things i value is totally pointless here in this world. it has shown me that repeatedly but just hoped it would change.. sometimes i can't fight this..feels there is no point in fighting.. and sometimes i feel like i shouldn't be given all these.. i should be somewhere alone..for all the darkness

i feel silence and i like it.. feels sleepy that also gives darkness to my eyes..
i know what you always say, friends are suppose to share everything.. ya i know. thats the truth and i have done that with you.. but now i am not feeling to open my heart, not to anyone.. so no one really knows what runs in my mind... and i felt to stop explaining.. there is nothing crazier than that.. its just i feel something and i am trying to present it to the world in a hope. i really shouldn't hope.. i shouldn't even think of it..

you say you get depressed right, consider i am with you in that... the good thing about it, the result is determined and we can't help each other.. its a journey where the end is known even before we started....

so be it... i am accepting it.. for all the good things (if any) i have done and the countless tears i caused to you, this will be the final sorry...

feels more to write, but that also i feel pointless