LOVE???

"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment"

i never came across such a thing that is so confusing, multi-dimensional, complicated and colorful, most of the people i know is more qualified in the subject of love, but i had my share of happiness and pain...
i tried a lot to define the feeling of love and every time it slipped off my hand, it has many forms and shapes,  but its because everyone perceives love differently, what i see as love would be passion or lust for some other.

what is love anyway?
is it just the feeling towards your life partner or its the feeling of a mother to her child or it could be anything else, but everyone enjoy different forms of love in their life and it makes your life complete. As it can be in any of the forms, it could very well teach you the various aspects of human life..

the ultimate reason that i found for love to exist is "humans are weaker when they're alone" and we don't want to be alone, do we? no one likes to be lonely, everyone wants to be together with the people they like and the emotional bonding one gets through a partner is an unquestionable feeling of comfort and care

its one universal feeling that unites the people living in different contexts yet there're barriers that we, humans ourselves created against it, i don't know why, a lot of socio economic and religious problems may be......

Fragmented...

i wasn't feeling to write for a while now, i can't just say that cause for some brief moments i thought to, in these days but it was bits of thoughts, or just small fragments which never made into a serious thread... well its the life what makes us lazy right? for me it is, i had a notion about this, hell i hate it but you've to face the ugly fact too "tom, you're supposed to live this too" oh boy! that was one bad line i wrote or which i'm continuously doing at the moment

who knows the ways of life?. i used this phrase?? to many of my friends, i made it our of myself, at least for now since no one has came forward with a claim, so far so good, but is it really good???? that you don't have any control of your life and you just live it in a way without knowing that you being played by it??? hell i don't want to be in such a game, who would want to be????

tonight one of my friends asked me "you're not writing anymore?" i thought ok thats the inspiration i needed to do something with it, today or should i say tonight is not that different from any other nights but what i write is clearly a picture or my mind which is so fragmented now, every piece reflects a part of it, so the thoughts are not continuous, no concentration and i just do things

may be i'll write something else, useful 

next time

Blog Action Day, About the Environment

Today i'm writing for the entire world as i registered in the mass event of blogging about climatic change and global warming, its named as Blog Action Day!!!, its interesting as we observe that people has a general knowledge about the problem it put forward but most of the countries hesitate to do something about it...
more of this event can be seen at www.blogactionday.org and i would really like to thank them for their enthusiastic approach towards it.

when i was a boy i used to look to the sky and wonder how many stars were there in the sky, it always amazed me how everything is created and connected. we, humans are one of the latest thing to appear in earth but we control everything and man has made his impact on history of himself and as well as on earth.

the first pieces of info i got in this topic was from science books, as everyone knows today "because of the rise in CO and other greenhouse gases in atmosphere, the temperature rises". the green house gases trap the solar radiation that is emitted back to the space by earth, which is retained by these gases and it warms up the globe and this is a wonderful thing in an aspect, for its the one thing that makes our life possible here and it stabilizes the climate here but the whole process goes wrong when the concentration of such greenhouse gases increase and hence more heat is circulated in atmosphere and the rise in temperature thus produced creates a global chain of events which are detrimental to the earth and its inhabitants.

i was uncertain about what should i write on the topic, it could get easily all technical and lose the purpose of general reading.. its a massive subject with a lot of ideas and information. its everyone's responsibility to take his or her part in this initiative, it doesn't matter race or color, so thought of limiting the technical side to a lesser extent...

what will happen if the temperature rise 2 or 3 degrees??? the polar ice caps will melt and many cities and places we know today will be lost for ever and the economic and social problems like migration from the affected places, scarcity of food and shelter, poverty, diseases will be shooting up and to control such problems a lot of money is needed.

i know many people here still believe such things will never happen in earth or god will protect us from all calamities, but i see it as lame excuse. if the ice caps of poles were to melt the resulting chain of events will not stop with a rise in the level of see by 20 meter or something, it will continue, it disrupts the wind formation, the ocean currents either stops or change its course because of dilution in salinity of sea, as a result of these changes the global precipitation distribution is further gets damaged and drought will be higher in one part of world while floods will be in the other side..

the effects of global warming are starting to show up in our life, the more drastic changes are only predicted but it could actually happen anytime and it wont give us time for preparation and restoration, so we have to act beforehand and since its a global threat, i believe the change should begin from each and everyone of us.

planting a tree whenever you can is quite simple, the usage of coal, petroleum and other fossil fuels should be reduced, electricity should not be wasted, the usage of freons should be minimized, unconventional energy sources like solar and wind turbines should be used, more efficient engines should be manufactured by companies,hydrogen fuel cells can be an alternate to internal combustion engines... there are more you can do but all you need is a vision about the future, a dream that is fulfilled only with the cooperation of everyone in this planet, its for you, its for me, its for the generations to come...

Tom Robins V.S

Feeling insecure

today i'm tired thinking, what makes my life this much tied to things i want to break, its tough................
i tried to do things better but for some it turned out to be their biggest pains. i'm not gonna talk about who and what they are now, they had enough already with me why make them more sad, most of the time the happiness they had being with me was very little compared to the sufferings which was enormous.... may be my nature of seeing things and life made it bad for them.

i was always like that, i'll admit, i was not someone who would go along with a normal life. but skipping to what people refer normal was never a choice for me.... the ones who loved me always found i'm a good reason that can cause immense heartache, i know one, i know it didn't have to end like that but its over now and i feel its the right thing to do. i couldn't make it straight, always had misunderstandings and worries and i'm not blaming the other side, it was my fault and it will be, always. once i had an expectation that it wont be a complete silence, we knew each other i believe, yet its better to be in silence, time fades everything.....

i had not thought of putting up an intro for this blog

when it comes to writing something, i just keep on doing it without having any idea of where my language goes!!! if someone's reading this and finding its totally crap about the usages and stuff then i'm sorry, but i'm not. i'm not gonna change it, for the simple fact that i hate most of the rules so hell i'm not gonna follow one when i'm writing.....

i had a lot to say but not feeling to write, its too late now and i have to wake up at 7 which i consider way too early for me. heheheh. right now i'm planning to be more honest in this blog, i like to discuss things which most people would want as a secret, so if i get in the right mood, you can always expect more.......

i know nobody is reading this, but i'm writing this for my personal relief and for the hope that someday there will be some readers for this

enough for today

bye bye

12-10-2009, 1.35 am

its time again

there's a certain fact in life that we likes to keep our fears and worries inside, i'm made like that and it makes me sometime hiding from others, well i always liked to add a small fraction of ambiguity to the image i projected out about myself, most of them considered as i was hiding my true feelings inside because it could hurt them but in fact i was not sure what to express and not

so the real question begins from a small but unique thought about your whole life. is it just going as the way you planned? or it just goes somewhere and you just move along?, in either case life moves on and you reach a point where you don't consider whats happening in your life. i had reached there a long time before and it was good in a very dramatic way i would put but the same time it was hard to keep up and yet i came back to the greener side and i again started expecting or started making plans about life and like every plan, the fundamental problem with any plan is the plan itself is based on a complex array of thoughts which begins rationally or from a complete absurdity and this makes the plan vulnerable to failures than expected

are we suppose to expect failure? i asked this question to myself and it seems pretty difficult to answer at the moment because one has to think deeply before finding a conclusion. a person might feel that he/she's in complete control in his/her life but is it???. you have to ask that question and most probable answer would be a solid no.

a person can choose to be alone or be in a flock, its a matter of personal choice but i believe circumstances plays a lot in it, many people gets trapped in loneliness, for they didn't fit the taste of the majority or they just seemed too weird for the others and yet there's the other group the people who enjoys a large number of friends and i believe they also leads a lonely life inside and the difference between them and the lonely people is that they could really balance with a demanding world for equal sides.

this brings us the implications of both choices, if we choose to be popular its good, you'll be happy and friends will be there to back you up but what happens to the other group, they're in a constant search for an exit and some are lucky enough to actually find one while others end up searching. the scenario could be worse if someone is trapped in between these two conditions, one is very popular with a lot of friends and leading a lonely life inside, i had mentioned this previously but its the intensity of it which counts, if you're not left alone for you to feel bad with your friends, there won't be much of a stress but if you're then you may find its rather difficult to cope with and this could really lead to the hiding of one's self.

the realization of one's self begins from what all the values we attribute to the subjects in life and we use to search for people who goes aligned with your mental strategies but individual differences comes into play and for some it makes a prominent change while others try to change the ones around them

what are the points of alignment we seek in our friends??? it could be wealth, style, thoughts, background, mental ability, and more but what makes us wanted for them???. the story of wanting for togetherness runs both ways, we would like to be wanted as the same as we want them, and if we're to find over a 60% of same taste in our friends, we take them for granted and this may lead to complications in the future as one cannot expect to behave just the way the other wanted him/her to. so expectations may fail and this may also lead to a false feeling that you made a mistake and it further complicates the problem with the wanting to hide one's true feelings which i believe is a rescue mechanism or prevention for people to escape from emotional wear and tear

once this occurs the person feels to shrink to the very core of his nature and make an inaccurate reading of the outer world, most of the people get rid of this negative impression provided given time to recuperate but there's a small number of people who takes this pretty seriously and they find its rather irrelevant to show what you really feel and they stop relating informations to anyone, most of them feel reluctant to talk just the way i am experiencing it now.

in a certain point of life i understood if you wants to be remembered you've to ring the bells periodically and it happens to everyone, some enjoys it while some don't, what i felt was somewhat of the latter kind, i stopped talking to most of my friends, something hinders it, i find a simple question in mind "what's there so special to talk?" this happens because i don't have anything to tell them, a conversation is supposed to be happening on both sides of individuals and i just hate the fact that my life has stalled for a long time now, and such a mind loses its originality and credibility not to mention the creativity which is way long gone, so i just keep my side silent and dark and i avoid any chance of lighting it up hence it reveals the hidden corners

many of them would be thinking what has happened to me, its plain and simple

"its just you know what you're not supposed to be but manages to end up the same"

Tom Robins V.S

11/10/2009 1.58 am

October 5th, 2009

spells, the spells in my head

i could hear them

reverbing in my head,

just keep on moving

they're so wonderful

i feel too much drawn to it

as they'd been casted for me

i keep on moving

its my anguish

my agony

the pain in my head

the sounds of my soul

it never leaves me,

sometimes it gets so loud

sometimes its a whisper

its my private pain