A note For YOU

yes, you're right...

i have made it limited, the talks, the happenings, everything i feel to limit... as a matter of fact.. i feel dead inside. and i feel i should return to my loneliness than any other thing in the world.. you may not get this cause you're always there to make sure that doesn't happen... but i know. i don't need anything. As you say i don't expect anything. not even a smile from all my friends. I am some one that who shouldn't be there in memories.. have to go away.. feels to walk away from everyone.. when some one think about me it will be like "ya he was a good guy but he just left everyone" thats more better..i don't belong among all you good people, i tried to be one but no, its not possible with me, staying here and trying for a change, i did.. for all these time... but there are somethings that never change.. it still the same and it will always be i suppose..the world can't change and the things i believe is of little value, when i feel it has changed, then i might think of coming back, i won't get all those i lost, i know. but its something i have to go through... i don't need love, care, trust, friendship.. nothing i need...i am just someone, someone like a ghost

i know how bad its for you and i am being selfish here.. i am acting on something i want to.. this is not something you'd appreciate. but the things i seek, and the things i value is totally pointless here in this world. it has shown me that repeatedly but just hoped it would change.. sometimes i can't fight this..feels there is no point in fighting.. and sometimes i feel like i shouldn't be given all these.. i should be somewhere alone..for all the darkness

i feel silence and i like it.. feels sleepy that also gives darkness to my eyes..
i know what you always say, friends are suppose to share everything.. ya i know. thats the truth and i have done that with you.. but now i am not feeling to open my heart, not to anyone.. so no one really knows what runs in my mind... and i felt to stop explaining.. there is nothing crazier than that.. its just i feel something and i am trying to present it to the world in a hope. i really shouldn't hope.. i shouldn't even think of it..

you say you get depressed right, consider i am with you in that... the good thing about it, the result is determined and we can't help each other.. its a journey where the end is known even before we started....

so be it... i am accepting it.. for all the good things (if any) i have done and the countless tears i caused to you, this will be the final sorry...

feels more to write, but that also i feel pointless